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healthy fears

by the dreaded diamond

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1.
Hail at the table, clouds make up our couch We planned to kill time, but it had a thicker skull than we'd realized Days close around me like a newborn's skin in daylight So I hide in my room, pretending I am buried As a piece of sky Dig me up, lover, and lay me on your chest Soon I will seep through your skin, your pulse, your organs Your bones will hold us tighter than weak arms could I'm not afraid if you're not afraid I'm not afraid if you're not Smoked more than enough to develop a cough I love to watch you, but enough is enough 'Cause to live, you'll need your mouth, your throat, your lungs To sleep, I'll need to hear you breathe in and out I'm not afraid if you're not afraid I'm not afraid if you're not Right, right I'm maybe a little afraid Still have the same neuroses that used to triturate I'm maybe a little afraid But it's not enough to worry I'm not worried, if you're not
2.
There's a hair in our mouths, I'm a cloud You're the praying mantis I've been wondering about Is it just me, or is it sickening how destructive I love to be When I'm holed up in my house every weekend 'Cause I can't find nothing timeless to do And if I get above reproach sometime soon, or ever You know the first thing I'll do is inform you Can someone pass a note Write, 'I don't need to cry tonight' Tell him hello Tell him I hope his bed doesn't swallow him whole And I've been eating as much as I said I would And feeling guilty for feeling good Eden berry, poison apple, ripe rust Why'd you have to go and make gods of us There is one very visceral string It's pulling me to lie over the sea I drink rapidly a glass of water and protest weakly Absentmindedly, I notice there's a man, he's licking the ear of his woman In the car right next to me As I realize it's not brave To be preoccupied with all the minor things in life Like it's all about to capsize In fact, it's just vain To say I'll see you on the other side In case our eyes still look alike They sure do in my mind Eden berry, poison apple, ripe rust Why'd you have to go and make gods of us Eden berry, poison apple, ripe rust Why'd you have to go and make us With brows this furrowed and fists so faint I'd like to know With brows this furrowed and fists so faint I'd like to know
3.
Don't pretend you've been worried You've got a heart-shaped face, but a self-shaped heart And I won't pretend that I've been careful 'Cause I know that we've both got doubts At least, I've got doubts big enough to drown you I've got doubts big enough to swallow you And I am not opposed to that The chase, the catch, the court, the ceremony It's enough to make anyone's stomach turn How does she know that he's not lying As mom and dad are crying How does he know she'll be a faithful bride Just because she's dressed in white Well, that can't be right But I see how she looks into his eyes How she stands at his side And how he holds her when they dance for the first time He says, 'You're the only woman I could ever want' She says, 'I'm so happy, I can barely breathe' And they keep dancing They just keep dancing It's simple, and it's true, I hope it's true Well, I have the world on a string But it's bearing down on me I'm afraid this hand could never bear a ring This hand could never bear a ring I watch the young feast on love Me and my old, old soul Spinning their storylines from my cold, marble pedastal Maybe, someday, someone will help me realize I've been overthinking it this whole time And it will come easy, so much more effortlessly Than I could even imagine right now Yeah, this is just a phase I hope I hope
4.
Mandalay 03:52
The gate was open, we weren't afraid You held your breath, I said your name It was dark, but we saw enough extravagance Foreign to us Chandeliers, unfinished rooms Whispering like ghosts under the moon By day, anyone would describe us as Trespassing kids, such disrespect But the night saw more, and asked us in We danced in smoke and diamonds Like wartime lovers from Fitzgerald novels And our riches bored us, and the world adored us When I was dancing on your toes in Mandalay Footsteps on the stairs I still don't know if they were real But we were scared You led me out And we've never needed words to talk about Mandalay Come back to the bath, and let's lie down We have always been here We have always been here
5.
I found a spiderweb in your mouth Do you instruct it to not leave me alone 'Cause it does not leave me alone Do you wish things were different Do you wish things were different Do you wish things were different Like I do When I wake up, it will be more than tomorrow And I'll have hands that feel like my own I'll have hands that feel like my own Well, do you hate sleeping alone Do you hate sleeping alone Do you hate sleeping alone Like I do
6.
Well, it wears me out Wisdom does not explain itself It makes a scene and then retreats I'm wearing Franny's clothes Catalyzed with a click in my throat My ribcage has swelled again, old friend Your bark was charred Charred Oh, the negligence of modern warfare I wrapped my arms around you I cried aloud 'What have they done to you?' My darling I went to you often In mist, in the mountains You said I woke you up Well, you grew branches in my sleeves too I'd waited thousands of years (I'd waited thousands of years) I'd waited thousands of years (I'd waited thousands of years) I'd waited thousands So I won't go pouting now You will be home soon Honestly, it's not too long of a wait Long of a wait And I'll keep telling myself that It's not always so easy It's not always so easy When I hear the master calling me And the voices leave me screaming I won't go crying now I will be home soon Honestly, it's not too long of a wait Long of a wait No, no, no His roots will become your roots Heaven's hands for leaves, oak tree Is it easy, love? It can't be easy Have I told you no one's ever been more sorry? Well, no one's ever been more sorry

credits

released May 20, 2011

All songs written by Juliana Lydell and Tyler Lydell.

Keyboards/Vocals: Juliana Lydell
Drums/Vocals: Tyler Lydell
Violin: Athena Koumis, Shane Kalbach

Produced & Engineered by Ira Skinner at Alley Avenue
Mastered by Joe Johnston at Pus Cavern

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the dreaded diamond Sacramento, California

juli lydell
tyler lydell
& friends

sacramento, ca

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